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All reviews - Movies (3) - Music (1) - Games (1)

This movie is an abortion....

Posted : 1 year, 9 months ago on 18 April 2010 01:33 (A review of Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust)

I don't even want to give this piece of shit one star, I really don't, I wish there was a rating of 0/10 stars. One star is being too giving to this God awful abomination to mankind.

I'm not even going go into detail about this, it will make me too angry. Let me just tell you about a scene:

There's this gay guy, the gingerdead man kills him with a giant hot curling iron...in the ass. And for a minute, they portray that the gay dude likes it.

I'm so fucking offended remembering it I can't even go on.

DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE. IT WILL MAKE YOU VOMIT BLOOD.

The end.

-A Very Angry Dante

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The Best Pac Man Game you will ever play!

Posted : 2 years, 2 months ago on 28 November 2009 01:02 (A review of Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures)

This game is one of my favorite games for the Sega Genesis! It has action, adventure, puzzles to solve, strategy and comedy! The graphics to me rival some of the games that are out today! I first played this game when I was about seven years old! Since then I have been hooked on it! Every time I play this game I am taken back to a simpler time in my life. I'm taken back to when I was a kid and there weren't as many things to worry about in my life. This game is from a simpler time in my life and I hope that it will take a place in your heart as it has mine!

-Vergil

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What is this I don't even....

Posted : 2 years, 3 months ago on 25 October 2009 11:20 (A review of Stay)

I watched this movie back in 2005, and for some reason forgot that I'd even seen it. Earlier tonight I was cleaning out some DVD sleeves from this old case of burned off movies (most of them more movies that I had completely forgotten about) and I came across this movie again. The only thing I could remember is that this movie had a killer ending that I really liked.

It is now 1:38 am, and I just finished watching this film for the second time and I think I understand why I could barely remember anything about it, it's because it fucked my mind the first time around just like it did this time.

Not to say it's not a good movie, it's decent. I mean, if you're into these types of physiological movies it would certainly be worth checking out. I don't know what to say about it really, it was just OK, nothing more.

So here's the SPOILER SECTION:

Basically Henry is a young man that is involved in a car crash with his family, and everything you see in the movie is a dream like vision he has while he lay dying. While his world goes dark and nerve endings are snapping off in his brain or something. The people watching him die and the people trying to save him on the street end up pulled into this nightmare as characters. Of course, you don't know this until the end of the movie, which makes the movie itself the mindfuck it turned out to be.

Like I said, I don't really know what do say about it. It's been said that if you're an artist or know a lot about art you can appreciate this film more, and well, I am no artist, so maybe I'll never fully understand all the hidden meanings and things like that. For instance, the appearance of twins and triplets in the movie, or the significance of all the different paintings in the film. It's lost on me really. I'm sorry to say.

My main problem with this movie though was the way it made me feel. The nightmarish quality and the way the film is shot made me feel sick. It evoked a depressing feeling in me that I generally don't like my movies to do. A very sad movie all around, there's not much positive going on in it, and you really do feel the character's pain and you certainly feel like you're watching a nightmare. Sign of good movie making I suppose, but I don't know, I didn't like the way it left me feeling.

I've rambled long enough, I'd say check this movie out, but make sure you're in the right mind set for it is all.

-The Dante Half

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Not as crazy for Kong's dong as others...

Posted : 2 years, 3 months ago on 13 October 2009 12:09 (A review of King Kong)

This movie made me actually want to get up and leave. I have never actually wanted to leave a film out of disgust before. I have hated movies, I have watched really fucking bad movies before, but this was terrible. It took everything I hate about Hollywood movies. It took bad angles, bad acting, bad motion cg, bad lighting, took a good budget and a good plot, and completely ruined it.

Never have I been so unhappy with a film. Naomi Watts looked and acted just like Nicole Kidmen, that is to say poorly, and Jack Black acted just like Jack Black. The supporting cast wasn't terrible, although they did over and under act accordingly. There was a terrible dinosaur race that didn't make any kind of sense, in that there were about 20 brontosaurus' running from 3 raptors. Only 4 people died and about 10 brontosaurus'. Yea. Plus, people punching raptors? And sending them flying? And people not getting squished by 60ft dinosaurs and not getting a concussion by being shook around like a nanny with a baby, not getting killed by falling down a 300ft cliff and ... I simply cannot list all of the inaccuracies and illogical melodrama that made this movie so terrible.

But not only was it terrible, but it disgusts me that this was rated pg. Not only do we see SEVENTEEN brutal murders, including people getting their head bitten off, and not including all those people Kong threw into walls, there was also a part where Kong TEARS OUT a T-rex's tongue, and then proceeds to tear his jaw apart and squish his head. This is not a pg movie. There was so much violence. It's obviously Peter Jackson making it a "family" rated film to get more bang for his buck.

Now, keeping all of this in mind, Naomi Watts took a page right out of "Birth" (another TERRIBLE film) with all the sad, thinking, and confused face close ups for 5 minutes each. She fell in love. With a gorilla. And that's not the bad part, I can totally understand that, and how if done well, it would be really effective. But no, Anne is not that kind of person. She doesn't bother trying to do anything except for yell at a few moments 'no'. She doesn't go and tell Jack Black that Kong is good and just wants to be left alone. She doesn't do anything. She goes away and leaves him and everyone she loves. Then she feels sad about it. But she doesn't do the right thing. She doesn't. She's not a good person. She makes a few futile attempts to do the right thing and gives up.

The only real emotion came from a cg rendering of Kong. No emotion was displayed by the actors that appropriately suited the situation.

Don't even download it to see how bad it is, don't waste your time. Go for a walk instead :P Don't waste over three hours of your life on this shit. I wish I could give it a 0.

:)

-The Dante Half

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My opinion!

Posted : 4 years, 9 months ago on 26 April 2007 01:44 (A review of Platinum Collection)

This isn't a platinum collection. It's more like a bronze collection! It completely leaves out Hello, I Must Be Going! and it leaves out Both Sides, Dance Into The Light and finally Testify! I wouldn't buy this "Platinum" collection unless you really wanted these songs. If I were you I'd just invest in the individual albums themselves!

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Jason Lee, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Walton Goggins, Timothy Olyphant, Jean Reno, Dan Southworth, Mat Gordon, Kevin Smith, Scott Mosier, Christian Bale, Cillian Murphy, Dante Sparda, Vergil Sparda, Beyoncé Knowles, Bill Murray, Phil Collins, Tony Banks, Jackie Chan, Christopher Walken, Reuben Langdon, Johnny Yong Bosch, Lindsay Ellingson, Natasha Polevshchikova, T.J. Wilk, Genesis, Mike Rutherford, Michael Rutherford, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Jason Mewes, Walter Flanagan, Jeff Anderson, Sylvester Stallone, Milo Ventimiglia, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Gordon Ramsay, Keanu Reeves, H. Jon Benjamin, Brendon Small, Will Smith, Stan Lee, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Robin Williams, Bruce Willis, Eddie Murphy, Stephen King, Regis Philbin, Phoenix Rising, Sonic The Hedgehog, Steve Burton, Russell Wong, Tim Roth, River Phoenix, James Marsters, Sandra Bullock, Uma Thurman, James Dean, Jamie Foxx, Stuart Townsend, Gaspard Ulliel, Bryce Draper, Renato Ferreira, Michael Chad White, Malik Yoba, Michael DeLorenzo, Crispin Glover, Daniel Erthal, Michael Keute, Laura Wright, Leland Sklar, Charlz Chalmers, Brock Harris, Noel Gallagher, Liam Gallagher, Oasis, Drea de Matteo, Michael Imperioli, James Gandolfini, Charles Devoe, Alexey Veter, Anton Antipov, Jarek Pietka, Carlos Freire, Lee Kholafai, Jamie Jewitt, Enrico De Giuli, Chris Fawcett, Levy Christiano, Natasha Poly, Richard Thomas, Kyle Ledeboer, Ryan Vigilant, Cesar Casier, Spencer Rice, Ambrose Olsen, Joshua Walter, Brent Corrigan, Brandon Worsham, Lê Minh Hiếu, Woody Harrelson, Mike Rowe, Denzel Washington, Sheri Moon Zombie, Riley Keough, Peerawich Pundang, Pete Pol, Arthur Sales, Jay J., Gabourey Sidibe, Chaiwat Tongsaeng, Adam Phebus, Malachi Marx, Vladimir Ivanov, Simon Nessman, Patrick Rouge, Joshua Michael Brickman, Leonardo Corredor, Travis Hanson, Christian Mousel, Caleb Halstead, River Viiperi, Chris Leabu, Jeremy Santucci, Veronica Von Horror, Michael McLafferty, Stu Dugan, Ray Silvera, Tyson Ballou, Jonathan Waud, Christian Alexander, Pink, Peter Gabriel, Guillaume Ryan, Thiago Vieira, Paulo Henrique, Aden Jaric, Toby Barnett, Garcelle Beauvais, Sean Uribe, Milo And Elijah Peters, Zoe Bell, Franklin Rutz, Tails the Fox, Knuckles the Echidna, Amy Rose the Hedgehog, Metal Sonic, Big The Cat, Shadow the Hedgehog, Cream The Rabbit, Dr. Robotnik aka Eggman, Mighty the Armadillo, Tommy the Turtle, Hiroyuki Sakai, Anderson Cooper, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Michael Horta, Tom Kenny, Edward Norton, Natalie Portman, John Candy, Marilyn Monroe, Garrett Hedlund, Byung-hun Lee, Anthony Perkins, Lucy Lawless, Jeff Goldblum, Robin Weigert, Brad Dourif

Kevin Smith, Scott Mosier, Quentin Tarantino, Tyler Perry, John Hughes, Sylvester Stallone, Hayao Miyazaki, Jeff Anderson, Francis Ford Coppola, Rob Zombie, Mick Garris, Frank Darabont, Stephen King

Genesis, Oasis, Jon Lajoie, Tony Banks, Hank Williams III, Phil Collins, Beyonce, Vergil Sparda, Strictly Inc., Bankstatement, Noel Gallagher, Liam Gallagher, Mike & The Mechanics, Mike Rutherford, Peter Gabriel, The Phil Collins Big Band, Stevie Wonder, Garth Brooks, Paul Brandt, Pink, Lisa Marie Presley, Brody Dalle, Daft Punk, David Bowie, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Joan Jett & The Blackhearts, Black Flag, Gavin Rossdale, Bush, Clay Walker, Kim Beacon

Stephen King, Kevin Smith, Scott Mosier, Tony Banks, Phil Collins, Mike Rutheford, Jeff Anderson, Mario Puzo, Lucy Grealy, Quick Easy Intro for Beginners, R. L. Stine